


(Stay) I Need You More Than You Think

by theskyisblue



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: A sadder fic, Carlos has a bad day, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mention of death on a call, Prompt Fill, Supportive TK, carlos needs a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:09:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24082618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theskyisblue/pseuds/theskyisblue
Summary: Some days are harder than others.The life of a first responder never gets easier, and Carlos experiences one of those days.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Comments: 8
Kudos: 148





	(Stay) I Need You More Than You Think

**Author's Note:**

> So, I’m an idiot and did not plan my time well to write fics for every day of Lonestar week, but I think this one - Lucky fic Number 13 - worked out well for Day 6 – Romance. 
> 
> A huge thank you to [@summerfiing](https://summerfiing.tumblr.com) for the prompt for [this](https://ao3theskyisblue.tumblr.com/post/614319224060559360/i-just-had-the-weirdest-idea-and-its-alright-if/) post 💕 Your comments make me smile every time 😊
> 
> It’s a different spin on romance I think, because as much as love can be igniting, it can also be quiet – a trust that provides a reassurance that they will always be there as an anchor for each other.

There were days that, when the sun showcased its brilliant glow beyond the horizon, Carlos woke up in tune to the new day, the sunlight offering an ethereal glow as the warmth kissed his skin. The comforter would be soft and pliant underneath his fingertips, flowing with the movement as he pushed it aside to sit up.

Spotlights would be created by the shining beams of light, waiting up with him calmly for the alarm to sound, which he would then turn off with the quick press of a button. The floorboards would mold to the shape of his bare feet, allowing him to soundlessly glide to the bathroom to clean up. The kitchen would then welcome him in, sunlight peeking through the gap between the curtains, enticing him towards the coffee machine. He would operate it effortlessly to produce a hot drink that would truly start to wake him up as he made breakfast to get the energy he needed to start his shift.

Even so, days that started with a simple rising of the sun, sometimes didn’t end with the moon graciously offering its light to allow the sun to cast their vivid rays across the other half of the Earth.

Instead of bathing the world with warmth, clouds would populate the sky to present a new dawn, one that did not allude a welcoming atmosphere. 

His keys scraped against the lock, the object stubbornly refusing to slide into the allotted space smoothly, instead deciding to give Carlos a hard-felt battle of resistance as he tried, for the fifth time, to unlock his own damn door.

He then proceeded to trip over his own entranceway, feet getting caught in absolutely nothing causing him to grab at the wall to steady himself with a muffled curse. He didn’t really need any light to see where he was going – knowing the layout of his apartment like the back of his hand – but he still fumbled to find a light switch that seemed to have moved from its usual position on the wall.

The room was freezing, floorboards sending chills through the soles of his feet causing him to shiver. Forgoing trying to find the light switch, his gaze wandered to the kitchen that was too quiet, almost seeming to be taunting him about his lack of appetite. There was a haunting chill in the hallway leading to the bedroom, and Carlos barely registered the creaking of the floorboards underneath his weight as he carelessly climbed into bed. The comforter was cold to the touch, feeling heavy in his hands as he worked to climb underneath it, the weight encasing his body in a false sense of security. Closing his eyes, arms curling around himself to provide a warmth that didn’t exist, Carlos willed his body to succumb to a world where darkness fed on the deepest recesses of his mind.

Death had taken a little girl today.

He had stood on the sidelines, eyes watching a scene his brain had not caught up to, his senses too slow to respond – standing _too far_ to respond – as an AC unit came toppling down and crushing the girl underneath it. The mother’s screams were a shrilling sound that couldn’t seem to stop echoing in his mind.

Carlos had been in that apartment, had been the one to answer to a complaint about a neighbour that just would not comply with safe placements of household appliances. And even through his many warnings, along with the many others from officers responding to the same complaint on different days, today was the one in a million where something went wrong.

And he couldn’t do anything.

The man had immediately been arrested, this time the police needing no more reason to slap on handcuffs that should have been on those wrists since the first complaint. The scene left a bitter taste on his tongue, as he had watched the man’s head being shoved into the back of a squad car.

Out of everything, it had taken a little girl’s _life_ to cause enough reason for the punishment of an action that shouldn’t have happened in the first place. The man would be getting time in prison, while an innocent child would never again see the light of dawn announcing a new day.

Weighed down by dread, his limbs cried the tears he couldn’t as he lifted the comforter tighter around him, burrowing his nose into the pillow to seek for any source of warmth. There was no clock in the bedroom scarce his phone, thankfully leaving him devoid of its rhythmic ticking.

The rest of Carlos’ shift had gone by in a blur, the flashback of the tiny body being covered by a white sheet in stark contrast with the blood pooling on the pavement making his gut twist painfully. His partner had also been unnaturally quiet, not picking up the usual banter the two often shared between calls.

Carlos’s entire body felt like lead lying on the same sheets that had felt so warm just that morning, now turned frigid as if mourning with him about another life he could not save. Time was merciless – passing by in a manner that he could not quantify, not knowing whether he’d been lying in an exhaustedly restless state for minutes, or maybe hours.

Head swimming with images that only spread further anguish through his veins, Carlos knew that sleep would not come easy tonight. The life of a first responder never gets any easier, and there were some days that caused a sleepless repose in the sheets, physically at rest but mentally in pain. Tomorrow would be a new day, and Carlos would just have to accept the newly added weight on his shoulders and acknowledge that time does not stop to grant healing for the scalding ail of grief. 

Through the muffled pieces of the world Carlos could vaguely make out in the dim lighting of his bedroom, his fingers suddenly twitched in apprehension when rustling noises sounded from his living room.

There were only a handful of people that had the key to his place, and only one who could have heard about what happened and would be paying him a visit.

His body a mere dead weight, Carlos forced himself to roll out of his comforter cocoon that depicted only an illusion of console, feet padding against cold floorboards once more to head towards the living room. Unlike when he first came in, the lights were on, and a familiar figure lifted his gaze from where he had been staring down two mugs of…something, to offer him a small smile. 

“Hey.” TK said softly, his voice quiet, but a welcome sound penetrating through the silence Carlos had secluded himself in. The firefighter made his way to him slowly, hands twitching as if wanting to reach out, but held back at the last second.

“I made some tea. Lemon balm. Would you like a cup?” TK asked, eyes gentle and devoid of judgment at Carlos’ rumpled nature. His hair had to be sticking in every direction from him not bothering to fix it when rolling out of bed, but TK didn’t seem the least bit fazed.

Looking at the openness to his expression, his green eyes staring at him unblinkingly - patiently awaiting his next move, Carlos felt his throat closing at the wave of emotion hitting him at full swing.

Oh.

“Yeah. Tea sounds...sounds good.” It goes to show how out of it he really is when Carlos didn’t even recognize the sound of his own voice. Wincing at how small and shallow it sounded, Carlos opened his mouth to apologize, explain, say _something,_ but TK only gave him a comforting nod and gestured to the couch.

“I’ll bring it over – you go and make yourself comfortable.”

Carlos’ legs worked on autopilot after that, dragging the rest of his body towards the couch. He sank into the soft cushions, shoulders hunching at the invisible weight he didn’t bother to hide now, and that had already piled on without him knowing.

A whiff of something tangy invaded his senses, and Carlos looked up to see TK standing in front of him holding out his favourite mug, labelled ‘eat more hole foods’ with a picture of a donut that had been a gift from Michelle the day he came out to her. The mug pulled out a hint of a smile at the memory, before it faded.

Accepting the hot drink that still had steam rising with the unmistakable scent of lemons, Carlos pressed the palms of his hands against the heat protruding through the porcelain. He didn’t bother removing his hands when the heat started to burn, giving him a welcome tether to the real world.

“It’s my mother’s favourite, the tea. She was always drinking loads of the stuff, claiming it gave her a sense of peace after hours in the courtroom.” TK spoke quietly, and Carlos vaguely registered him taking a seat on the coffee table in front of him, their knees just shy of brushing against one another.

Carlos raised the mug to his lips, carefully taking a small sip. He was immediately greeted with a sharp tang of bitterness, a taste that wasn’t normally accustomed to this type of tea. He couldn’t hold back a wince, nose scrunching up at the bitter taste that slowly faded away after he swallowed, leaving him to stare at the mug in bewilderment. A light titter of laughter ringed in his ears, and Carlos looked up to see TK watching him fondly.

“I may have steeped it a little longer than necessary to give it a kick. Did it work?” TK smiled, lifting his own mug to take a sip of his own cup of tea. Carlos had half a mind to wonder why _TK_ hadn’t recoiled at the taste like he did, and was about to ask, _‘did what work?’_ but the words got caught in his throat.

The ache in his chest from earlier, had receded into a dull throb. Blinking away the mist that clouded his gaze, Carlos lifted his mug again, taking a longer sip - this time welcoming the sharp bitterness on his tongue.

The glow from the lights TK had decided to turn on cast a comforting shadow around them, encasing them in a secure bubble of space filled with two mugs of relaxing tea – and one heart carefully cradling another.

The onslaught of feelings he had pushed to the side from earlier cascaded out in a trickle, starting with a stray tear slipping down Carlos’ cheeks. He reached out his fingers to brush against TK’s arm carefully, unsure whether his touch was warranted. Without missing a second, TK placed both their mugs off to the side, getting up from the coffee table to step into Carlos’ arms.

Carlos didn’t waste any more time in wrapping his arms around the other man’s waist, burrowing his face into the soft fabric of TK’s shirt near his stomach. His legs widened their stance to fit TK in between them, his arms tightening around the solid warmth. Carlos shivered as fingers gently sifted through the soft hairs at the nape of his neck, feeling a hand splayed on the muscles of his back, thumb moving in slow circles in an offer of silent solace.

They stayed there, in the built comfort of the living room for a long time. TK hadn’t so much as mentioned why he had decided to come over, solely content in giving what Carlos was willing to take, and never once questioned why.

Slowly but surely, the ice began to thaw in his chest. The living room no longer felt absent and cold, the floorboards turning palpable and grounding, the soft material of the shirt he had buried his face in soaking up his tears in a gentle caress.

Carlos tipped his head up, red-rimmed eyes meeting TK’s gentle ones, sighing softly as the hand that had been running continually through his hair moved to cradle his face, the thumb running along the ridge just underneath his left eye. Carlos leaned into the touch.

“Will you stay?” Carlos whispered hoarsely, hesitantly, giving TK an out if he didn’t want to. It was a little silly, having these kinds of thoughts now. But the day’s events were still raw, and if TK had better things to do than stay with his bleak stature, Carlos would never blame him.

Seeming to understand where his thoughts were going, TK leaned down to press their foreheads together, green eyes filled with nothing but affection as they bore into brown orbs that had lost their usual light.

“Always, Carlos.” TK murmured. Carlos closed his eyes, relishing in the small spark of warmth starting to build in his chest at the words.

“ _Always_.”

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thank you to everyone working the front lines at this time 💕
> 
>   
> As always, don’t be afraid to come say hi on [Tumblr](https://ao3theskyisblue.tumblr.com) 😊


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